Yellow

Sometimes, when it's hard, when it's sneaked up on me and caught me, I wish I were brainless and soulless. I could just eat and fuck and sleep and preen and shit.



It's somehow somewhere between the Moody Blues and Holly Golightly's Mean Reds.
I now call them the Harsh Yellows.
And I just want to put that film on and pull the covers over my head.
And that's what I'm going to do tonight.

And on with 2012...

I seem to have made several resolutions subconsciously this year. I've never tried to give anything up or make huge changes to my life, but a few little things seem to have slipped in:

1. I don't want to waste my time in ways I did in 2010 and 2011. Essentially, this means thinking about the ways my efforts and energy are being spent. I want to be more proactive, and I've found myself nipping a couple of things in the bud (gosh, I just typed that phrase without thinking) already. Fair-weathered friends need not apply. I don't want to waste my time on you.

I really couldn't resist posting this, just for the line

'I don't want to waste my time..'

   
     2.  Already I seem to be making good use of my weekends. Five days' work and just two day weekends has always seemed a slightly unfair balance, but making sure I get the most out of those two days is so worth it. I've seen some great friends and really enjoyed the beautiful winter sun and that's a kind of therapy in itself.

     3. PLAN. And this I'm doing so far, slowly but surely.

I've been lucky enough to see nearly everyone I love over the last month. I haven't seen lovely Katie and I didn't see my Auntie Lis on Skype over Christmas, but I think everyone else featured, and this makes me very very happy. The important people are my life's constants... and I know they will always be there. They're the ones to bother with.

The word 'constant' brings to mind a friend of sorts who is leaving Bristol soon. It's pretty strange to think about, as it's a  permanent change, effectively moving someone out of my life who has been around for three and a half years. I don't know how big an impact it will have (very little for them, I'd imagine), but I think we've been helpful to one another the last few months, at times we've both needed it.

The next few months, then, should be interesting. The next few blog posts? Who knows. I have a cheeky little literature based post I'm putting together mentally at the moment, so hopefully that will transfer to screen soon. My audience of one (hi fan!) should enjoy that.

Oh, what a month!

The title of this post is slightly inspired by a song that was on Now 35. My sister Kate and I shared the cassette and I knew 'tape one side one' inside out. It feature songs like this, the song I now associate with U2 more than any other and this beauty. Kate was a little more adventurous than me and made it to the second cassette, and this song has stuck with me:

Anyway - oh what a month! I last wrote the day before the second interview for a job I was promptly offered, which was most exciting and long awaited. We agreed I'd start the following week, despite the fact I had birthday plans on the Thursday and Friday, and I'm very glad I started so soon. Waiting until January would have made me incredibly nervous and I'd not have enjoyed Christmas nearly as much as I did. My team manager is new to his role too and, luckily, he was eager for me to start promptly. So now I'm a 'Bid Executive' - writing, editing, proof-reading and formatting proposals and tenders for teams across the company. The financial company. I'm not sure I'd ever have thought I'd work for a financial company, but we'll see. It's a strong, well-respected company, people have been very welcoming and there's potential for development - if that's what I'd like to do. When I'm back on my feet financially (which really won't take too long), I feel I'll be more able to assess and plan. I think I need to focus on the things I want and then prioritise: what do I want to do most? Now, however, is not the time to elaborate, and I'm just really grateful to have a job. As you can see.

I really do wear smart clothes. I don't, however, have hair like this.

Image borrowed from Nuclear Family Warhead.

Accepting a job after a Great Wait was the first main event in my Very Busy December.  My Birthday, on the 15th, was a splendid affair. My mini sister, Alice, and lovely mother took me for a lunch and exploration of the SS Great Britain, which I would thoroughly recommend visiting. I don't think the food is served all year round, but it was delicious (if ridiculously filling - the start of the festive gluttony) and the ship itself is presented fantastically. It really was like stepping back to being a passenger or member of the crew and I loved it. I'm really lucky to have gone and it was a great treat for a poor lady. After cups of tea and present opening (I'm a very lucky girl), Mama left and, slightly later, we went to the pub. It was busy and noisy with an open mic night, but the close friends that could make it arrived and left at different times, so I spent four hours entertained by different people. Twas a delightful evening, which ended with me walking home with mini sister and her beau, singing a great song and cuddling my chips'n'beans'n'cheese

Jumping forward several days, it was Monday 19th. I'd had what I can only describe as a birthday 'comedown' the evening after my birthday: everyone had left and I was a bit tired and just felt sad. It wasn't helped by a timewaster, but I managed to expend my energy usefully (there's a lot to be said for late night cooking and Sunday misdemeanours). I didn't sleep at all well on Sunday night, so by 16:45 on Monday, I was looking forward to going home and, in all honesty, sleeping. My (then) manager came back to her desk and said 'I was just in Reception. The receptionists have been trying to get hold of you - apparently there are two people downstairs to see you'. It was day four in my job. I knew about five people in the company (1,000 people are based at my site in Bristol) and I could not imagine who would be visiting. I seem to remember being very apprehensive as I walked downstairs, and... upon turning the corner... Kate.

My sister Kate, who I last saw in Australia in June 2006, and who the rest of my family had seen in April 2006. Kate who has been on some kind of waiting list for a Residency visa in Australia since 2007. Kate who got married in 2007 to Damo (also waiting for me in Reception), who we'd never met. Kate who, upon receiving her visa in January, had kept their visit a secret from us all. Kate who I proceeded to hug and scold and cry on - 'What are you doing at my WORK?'. They spent a few days surprising us all and filming reactions and it was incredibly emotional. 

Christmas was, quite simply, THE BEST.  I always knew that whenever Kate came back, she'd slot back in beautifully and it would be like she hadn't left.  And that's exactly how it was.

Kate and I were so very squashed here:

'smile girls!' ... 'we can't move to smile!'

The only way to end a huge post about an incredible December is with the news that in July I'm going to be an Auntie! I'm hoping everything will continue to go well for Sophie and Mat and to their Bean I say: we're all looking forward to meeting you! And just look at us... aren't we an attractive bunch?